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What to Expect | Friends

What are the practical suggestions?

Friends will be an important part of the treatment team. Your child's friends often learn about the diagnosis through the grapevine. We found it essential to communicate in an open and honest way with Jennifer's friends. We paid particular attention to discussing Jennifer's progress or setbacks one day at a time. The future was scary enough for us. We knew it would be even scarier for friends that would hear only part of the information. Jennifer's friends supported her in a way that we as parents could not. There were special times with her friends that we still cherish. Her friends were a great source of strength, as well as Jennifer being a great source of strength to her friends. The following practical suggestions were developed from our own experience and other families whose children were battling leukemia.

What are the emotional concerns?

We found there are a number of common questions asked by friends concerning the diagnosis and treatment of the patient. The friends will have a certain amount of confusion about the diagnosis, fear whether they can get sick from contact with the patient, and questions as to how it will affect their relationship with the patient. We found that direct and honest communication with the friends was very important. How much and what type of information you should share with your child's friends at this point should be based on the friend's personality and age.

The information in Brothers And Sisters will be helpful to the parents in dealing with age related concerns and commonly asked questions by friends.

What are the physical concerns?

• Exposure - Friends of all ages should be told that leukemia is not contagious. This will put the friends at ease that they will not get leukemia by being around the patient. The friends will then be prepared to answer questions from schoolmates who also have this natural question on their minds.
• Physical Changes In The Patient - The most obvious change will be the loss of hair if chemotherapy or transplant treatments are used. Moreover, with chemotherapy, transplant and alternative/homeopathy treatments, the friends should be prepared that the patient can have nausea, diarrhea, vomiting, and temperature spikes. Jennifer's friends would bring her hats at times she lost her hair. Her closest friend, Megan, would play "doctor" with Jennifer and wear band aids, patches, play with the plastic syringes in a special way that supported Jennifer.
• Behavioral Changes - The friends should be told that the patient will experience tough times and times when they want to be alone. This is not a reflection upon the friendship, but rather how the patient physically feels at that time. The friends should be told that the patient will have good days and bad days, but in either case, the support of the friends is always welcome. We stressed gratitude for the friends that would visit Jennifer in the hospital and at home. We tried to maintain a "normal schedule" by allowing Jennifer to go back to school whenever possible, doing homework with friends, and attending school activities. This helped her maintain relationships with friends and participate in school.

What common questions are asked by friends?

• Questions - Friends of the patient often have the same questions as the patient. The parents are challenged, because the friends of different ages will have a differing need for the type of communication, the level of detail, and the frankness of the seriousness of the illness. The information in Your Child will be helpful in dealing with age related concerns and commonly asked questions.
• Helpful Hints - Helpful information is set forth in the Reference section that specifically deals with how friends can: Talk about the patient and his or her cancer, recognize and deal with the fear that they may lose their friend, discuss feelings of guilt when their friendship changes because of the diagnosis, how to handle their anger that their friend was diagnosed with leukemia, how to best support their friend, and how to react to side effects of their friend.
• Simple gifts such as cards, inexpensive toys, candy, and coloring/drawing materials were brought by Jennifer's friends to support her. A visit in the hospital or at home during a rough time was greatly appreciated. The parents should ask the friends or their parents to call before visitation. There can be an unexpected procedure or unexpected event that would embarrass the patient. We owe great gratitude and thanks to the friends of Jennifer of all ages.